Why the fuss about Archie's christening? Did we expect an invitation?
PUBLISHED: 15:16 09 July 2019 | UPDATED: 08:12 10 July 2019
Liz Nice on Archie's christening, Love Island and the Women's World Cup
I'm feeling a bit of rage this week, all about things I can do nothing about, so I realise the futility of it all. Maybe it's time everybody else did too.
First, there is all the controversy over baby Archie's christening.
People are complaining that Archie is not being shared sufficiently with the British people.
His parents have released christening photos and we now know exactly what the young whippersnapper looks like, so I'm not sure what else, exactly, we are expecting.
They could hardly invite the entire nation to the private chapel at Windsor Castle.
I don't think there is room.
Royal christenings don't usually get televised, so why would this one be any different?
Yes, it's a bit odd that they won't tell us the names of the godparents - but I think we might be able to live without this knowledge somehow, as we go about our daily lives worrying about where the next penny is coming from and whether Curtis and Maura are going to 'crack on' in Love Island.
You know - the big things.
Unless Harry and Meghan chose Boris Johnson over Jeremy Hunt as godparents, or decided to ask Vladimir Putin or Kim Jong-un to coo around the font, I can't see that it is really our concern.
The feeling seems to be that Archie is 'our' baby. But he isn't.
Baby Archie is a royal. His parents are royals. So, effectively, unless we choose to get rid of the royals en masse (unlikely), he, and they, can do what they like.
They can even use £2.4million of public money to do up their new house, Frogmore Cottage, even though they come from one of the wealthiest families in the land and already had a perfectly nice (much nicer than any of us, anyway) home at Kensington Palace, free of charge.
We may not like it, but apart from a bit of griping, there is absolutely nothing we can do about it.
This is the world we live in, where the family you are born into, the school you go to and the people you know ensure you get an easy ride if you're sitting on one side of the fence, and a lifelong struggle if you're not.
Baby Archie, with his cute little face and possibly ginger hair, is a symbol of all of that, like it or not.
But rest assured - in return for letting him have whatever he likes and getting to do whatever he wants for the rest of his life, we will get a glimpse of him from time to time, and get to go, "Ooh, isn't he marvellous?" and "His dad's a good old boy, isn't he?" and "Isn't his mum wearing a lovely hat?"
In return for all of that, I think baby Archie is cheap at the price and it's time for all the griping to stop.
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So the next time you think about all the school and hospital provisions we could have acquired with that £2.4m (and the rest), remember instead that such selfish thoughts pale into insignificance when you think of what we are getting back.
So let's ditch the rage and let that lovely little family be.
They deserve it.
Love Island highlights the worst mistake women can make when dumped
Speaking of getting what you deserve, Love Island is another thing that has brought out my rage this week.
A young air hostess called Amy has been dumped by a young ballroom dancer called Curtis and instead of sticking her nose in the air, making herself look even more gorgeous and showing him what he is missing so that he will die a lonely and regretful death with her name on his lips, she instead asked him for feedback on where she had gone wrong.
"No!" I screamed at the television. "Why are you giving him all the power?"
Nonetheless, he gave her some helpful suggestions on her many failings, all of which she should have told him to stick up his cha cha if you ask me. Amy needs to remember that when one is given one's marching orders, it's imperative to tell yourself that the failing was not yours but theirs.
They failed to see what you had to offer. That is their infinite loss.
Women's World Cup shows how football is about to be ruined
The Women's World Cup is over.
Well done, women.
I'm sorry, but I didn't really care about your matches as much as I do the men's, and for that I feel a bit ashamed.
That's social conditioning for you, I suppose.
What I do care about, however, is how VAR is going to ruin our game and the Women's World Cup demonstrated that perfectly.
All that sitting around, waiting for a definitive decision to be made, only for everyone afterwards to talk about 'the VAR controversy' - I couldn't really see the point.
Either VAR is always right, or it's not worth having. In fact, it's detrimental, because the pace and momentum of football is what makes it so exciting.
By all means have it on the goal line to see if the ball has crossed the line, but otherwise, I know I'm going to hate it.
If I wanted to sit around all day staring at my fingernails, I'd go to a nail bar. But I'm a football fan, so therefore not that kind of woman.