Search

I’m off for a double celebration but don’t worry, your best woman will be back

PUBLISHED: 00:00 02 October 2012 | UPDATED: 09:02 05 October 2012

I am deserting you again next week thanks to a packed schedule which sees me celebrating my mum’s birthday and acting as best woman to one of my oldest friends as he ties the knot.

There was some talk that I should be referred to as Maid of Honour rather than best woman, but frankly I am not giving up such a brilliant and accurate title in order to be renamed something that suggests I’m a spinster on the shelf and, worse, have unquestionably high morals.

On the plus side, I understand that I will have my choice of the bridesmaids, be duty-bound to insert a hilarious gag into my speech that causes a newly-wed rift that will ruin the wedding night and be so drunk by 7pm that I willingly take to the dance floor when the DJ plays Lady in Red to perform a hauntingly beautiful solo routine.

In some words stolen from Hugh Grant in Four Weddings and a Funeral, I am, as ever, in bewildered awe of anyone who makes the kind of commitment that David and Nicola will make on Friday and equally bewildered that they’d entrust me to make a speech in front of their gathered loved ones.

I shall do my utmost not to swear, call anyone a pleb or suggest any of the bridesmaids have flat hair but I can’t promise not to think I’m funnier than I actually am. Especially if the speech comes after 7pm.

As for my mother, another birthday, another year of unsurpassed awesomeness – she taught me all the swear words I know and for this I give daily thanks.

See you in a fortnight.


If you value what this story gives you, please consider supporting the Norwich Evening News. Click the link in the orange box below for details.

Become a supporter

This newspaper has been a central part of community life for many years, through good times and bad, serving as your advocate and trusted source of local information. Our industry is facing testing times, which is why I’m asking for your support. Every single contribution will help us continue to produce award-winning local journalism that makes a measurable difference to our community.

Thank you.

Most Read

Most Read

Latest from the Norwich Evening News