Reader letter: The NDR's attempt to drag Norfolk into the 21st century has proved to be an unmitigated disaster
PUBLISHED: 11:01 01 December 2018 | UPDATED: 11:21 01 December 2018
Archant Norfolk 2018
The Gentleman Motorcyclist blog is a collection of ramblings from the perspective of a wealthy male stuck somewhere between 1920 and 1950, trying to fit in with and make sense of the modern world - and failing miserably due to having different old fashioned ethics. Here's what he had to say about Norwich's Northern Distributor Road.
All gentlemen of good breeding are aware that Norfolk is the garden of England- the country’s most beautiful county.
Artists through the centuries have made a beeline to this unique Royal County, having discovered that other famous sites and sights around the globe are not quite as incredible as the locals have made out; Paris, for example, with its huge ugly mast. Venice, with its maze of canals and an unholy stench of mould and stagnant water. New York with its Americans stuffed so full of bagels they can barely move and have to hail a yellow cab just to visit the WC. None can compare with the astonishing beauty of Norfolk. But beauty does not stop the March of Progress.
Just north of the Fine City of Norwich, the locals have built a new farm track, known as the Northern Distributor Road, or NDR.
The reason for this was to keep the city clear of carriages, and to deny the more agricultural types of the opportunity to marvel at the splendid luminary display that the city dwellers call “traffic lights”.
Sadly though, things have not quite gone to plan.
The end result of spending thousands of guineas has been to give the natives the chance to get an extra long run-up to the multitude of roundabouts.
This in itself has caused much consternation, wailing, and the gnashing of teeth, for every ten hours or so, an ox-cart is to be found parked on one having spilled its load of swedes, sugar beet and piglets all over the carriageway in a desperate attempt to slow down.
Oxen are indeed not known for high speed cornering, and the natives are now finding it difficult to cope with travelling faster than walking pace, and having to consider the Highway Code at the same time.
It would seem that a Norfolker’s brain can only cope with one new concept per decade.
The attempt to drag Norfolk into the same century as the rest of the nation proves to be an unmitigated disaster, as local people send badly spelled letters to the Eastern Daily Press complaining that there are not enough candles at the roadside to illuminate the track, and that the 50 foot wide road signs are almost invisible.
Regardless of this, Norfolk is still a jolly good place to visit for any Gentleman Motorcyclist and his Fine Lady.
Please ensure however, that when planning to negotiate the Northern Distributor Road, you ignore the Highway Code and instead just follow what everyone else is doing. It is far safer.
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