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10 questions with... Karl Minns

PUBLISHED: 15:12 22 July 2016 | UPDATED: 15:16 22 July 2016

Karl Minns. Photo: United Agents

Karl Minns. Photo: United Agents

Archant

Each week we put a Norwich resident in the hot seat and ask them ten questions about themselves. This week we spoke with Karl Minns, a writer, comedian and one third of The Nimmo Twins.

• Describe Norwich in three words...

Arty. Pretty. Altogether.

• If you were stranded with three people on a deserted island, who would you want them to be?

You’re meant to say famous figures from history or a loved one, but I’d have Boris Johnson, Nigel Farage and Donald Trump. I find them loathsome and abhorrent, but if I were stranded with them, I’d take comfort that the rest of the world didn’t have to deal with them. I’d take one for the team. Then I’d probably kill them and eat them.

• If you could be any other person, who would it be?

Brian Blessed. He was a guest on Russell Howard’s Good News and I had to prime him for the interview, which involved us being in a room together for an hour. It was like going ten rounds with God. He’s the most remarkable human being I’ve ever met. I’d like to see the world through his eyes.

• How would you spend a perfect weekend in the city?

A perfect weekend in Norwich would be playing the Theatre Royal, watching Norwich beat Ipswich, (a result which promotes us and relegates them), followed by dinner at the Last, Fish-era Marillion at the UEA, then late drinks at the Playhouse with friends.

• Would you rather spend a night in front of the telly or a night out on the town?

In an ideal world, I’d have both. A night out in the pub, but with a widescreen TV on a trolley with a long extension lead, so if the company is middling or the conversation starts to drift onto house prices, I can be rescued from the existential ennui.

• What’s your mantra in life?

I’m not a mantra person, but I think having worked in the comedy industry for 20-odd years, it’s probably: “Relax. No-one knows what they’re doing”. Everybody is winging it. It’s both frightening and very reassuring.

• Which song defines your life?

I want to say: I’m Just A Girl Who Can’t Say No, but I’ll cheat a bit and say Misplaced Childhood by Marillion, which technically is one long 45 minute song. I know every quaver, grace note and paradiddle. It was a masterpiece when I first heard it 31 years ago, and it’s still a masterpiece now. It’s part of my DNA.

• What’s your biggest fear?

I have far too many fears to mention. What’s just popped into my head is the image of a world where, for some reason, I’m only allowed to wear Speedos. The thought of that would make the Pope himself doubt the existence of the Almighty.

• Which one thing could you never be without?

English Breakfast Tea. I love tea. I can’t stick coffee. It’s like liquid halitosis. There isn’t a situation I’ve encountered that can’t be made better by tea. Except, perhaps needing to revive someone who’s just suffered a massive allergic reaction to a cup of tea. That would be massively counter-productive.

• What would you do if you won the lottery?

Splash out on friends and family. I’d also buy Portman Road and burn it down. Then mix the ashes with oil to form the basis of a new Farrow and Ball colour called Hint of Mid-Table Mediocrity.

• Would you like to take part in this weekly feature? Email courtney.pochin@archant.co.uk

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