What a big shock! The things that attract men

Pointless university research of the week (this may become a mainstay of my column, there's certainly never a lack of it): scientists at Manchester University have revealed that men are attracted to women with impressive cleavages, who wear red lipstick and have a tan. I know. Shocking.

In the thirst for knowledge, a group of researchers selflessly committed themselves to staring at pictures of women with large chests and come-hither mouths in order to assess their attractiveness.

They discovered that men – when shown photographs of women for 10 seconds each – spend 7.3 seconds looking at red lips compared to 0.95 seconds looking at their eyes and 6.7 seconds looking at pink lipstick. The remaining seconds are spent hoping the next set of pictures show cleavages.

I won't divulge the reasons why scientists believe that men stare at red lips because this is a family newspaper and frankly I will think twice before reaching for my Chanel Rouge Allure in the future if the findings are true. Suffice it to say, red lips suggest to a man that a woman is 'available'.

The cleavage research is even better. Men, it claims, love an ample cleavage because it mimics the buttocks, which is how four-legged animals signal that they are, ahem, up for it.

This, too, is somewhat chilling news, especially as I have never craved attention from four-legged animals or, come to think of it, two-legged ones that take their romantic cues from baboons.

Tans are, apparently, associated with 'classiness and exclusivity', two words we all think of when we consider the cast of The Only Way is Essex or Lindsay Lohan.

Most Read

I think I speak on behalf of us all when I thank Manchester University for these priceless insights into the male mind now: stop looking at women's chests and start finding a cure for cancer.