Watch out on the road when I rule the world

A new survey has shown what annoys drivers the most when they are out and about on the road.

Apparently, people using their mobile phones while driving infuriates 32 per cent of us, tailgating raises the blood pressure for 18 per cent of us and 'middle-lane hogs' get the goat of 13 per cent of us.

The survey, from Adrian Flux Insurance, claims that only three per cent of us are left clinging to the brink of sanity by slow drivers and an astonishingly tiny 5.3 per cent seethe when people fail to say thank you when you let them into traffic.

I resent practically everyone else on the road, particularly if their car is nicer than mine.

If it weren't for other drivers, I would never be late, never struggle to find a car parking space and never feel the childish need to be the first to drive away from traffic lights as if I'm at Brands Hatch.

I wouldn't classify people using their mobiles while driving as being 'annoying', more 'illegal' – sadly, driving slowly or not saying thank you isn't illegal, but when I rule the world (the countdown is on), both will be.