Was there no-one to guard naked Prince Harry’s Royal body?

When I heard the news that Prince 'Flash' Harry had been captured in a set of 'shocking' photographs, I assumed they'd show him actually doing a day's work or visiting a library.

Instead, they were the perfect illustration of why you should never play naked billiards in a �4,750-a-night Vegas hotel where people have access to camera phones: I mean – we've all been there.

The photographs show Prince Harry in the nip, bear-hugging a nubile blonde and cupping his genitals (no bottle is in sight, and Cher Lloyd wasn't in Vegas) midway through a game of strip billiards, which sadly wasn't recognised as an Olympic discipline this year. Let's hope Rio 2016 addresses this oversight.

I've studied the photos at some length and am yet to spot the burly security guards that you and I pay a fortune for every year leaping forward to take a bullet for Harry, or rather, spare the nation the sight of his backside.

In a particularly joyful twist, after British newspapers were ordered not to use the pictures that were leaking all over the internet like ice-lollies on a barbecue, one national newspaper recreated the Prince Harry shots using a 21-year-old intern to play the naked lady shown hiding behind royalty.

When I was on work experience at Radio Norfolk, the most risqu� thing I was ever asked to do was go on an outside broadcast with Wally Webb. I feel cheated.

I am no security expert – I've not even seen Kevin Costner, pictured, in The Bodyguard – but I think even I would take the precaution of removing electronic devices from guests invited into the royal suite if I thought a ribald version of Pot Black was about to take place that would showcase the crown jewels to a slack-jawed public.

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In other news, I note that Prince Harry appears to have quite large feet, and we all know what they say about men with big feet (big shoes. Allegedly).