Thanks, Mr Postman

Here he comes, I thought to myself, the messenger of gloom and doom. I have nothing at all against our postman, I even know his name, he's called Tim.

Derek James

Here he comes, I thought to myself, the messenger of gloom and doom.

I have nothing at all against our postman, I even know his name, he's called Tim.

In fact I would go as far as to say he is the best postmen we have ever had.

He's always got a smile, he is very friendly and helpful and what's more…he always shuts the gate.

Now that is thoughtful - especially as we have a small dog who can run as fast as a racing car.

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The moment anyone presses the doorbell she goes mad and, unless you are very quick when opening the door, she's down the path like a flash of lighting and, if the gate was opened, she would head for the road.

What I don't look forward to is what Tim has in his hand…our post.

When was the last time you had a letter bringing any good news?

I used to look forward to the post arriving but not any more.

The only correspondence we seem to get are bills or letters asking for money.

The other day I spotted Tim coming down the path and my immediate reaction was to hide behind the curtains - why did I do that?

I should open the door, give him a big smile, and thank him for delivering our mail.

For some reason I hid up. It's a natural instinct.

Years ago when our daughter was young she used to fling herself behind the sofa when the doorbell rang.

And when she was asked why she did that he said: “Because daddy always does.”

I stopped doing it after that - just stepped behind curtains - and I still do.

I watched as a large bundle of envelopes landed on the mat.

First there were the bills.

I recognised the envelope containing the gas bill so I started by opening that.

How much! That was accompanied by another letter from the same company pointing out the cost of the gas was going up even more.

Then there was the bill from the credit card company. How much!

The two other letters were also bills.

Then there was a large yellow envelope from Readers Digest. It said on the front that it was important. Prize draw enclosures were registered and it should be opened at once. It was urgent. It was time sensitive.

Inside were cheques from the finance department made out to my wife for a total of £315,000, - almost enough to pay the gas bill. Then I noticed the cheques were “example only.”

I didn't understand the letter but I got the feeling there was a catch.

Another letter came from Madrid informing me I had been won £500,000 - enough to pay both the gas and electricity bills. All I had to do was ring a bloke called Carlos and give him my bank details.

Perhaps I could have a word with Carlos and ask him if he could pay my bills on a direct debit…he could keep the change as a gesture of goodwill.

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