Simon Cowell’s black toilet paper

I'm not interested in the fact that Simon Cowell had a secret relationship with Dannii Minogue, but I am fascinated by his black toilet paper.

Apparently, the music mogul will only allow �10 triple-ply, quilted black toilet roll in the bathrooms at his homes in LA and London.

And there was me thinking that aqua toilet roll was exotic.

I've always wanted to wipe like the stars and, if we listen to Freud, attending to this area is important to our future success, so from now on I am going to insist on black toilet roll wherever I go.

That, or a pile of �50 notes, as usual.