I’ll be back in a fortnight... I’m off to try to stop World War Three

Summer holidays, eh? What unbridled joy it is to have the children at home so that we can create the precious summer memories that will last us all a lifetime.

Thus far, the internet and telly went down for an entire day which practically caused World War Three, no one was interested when I suggested visiting a museum (I include myself, frankly), I have handed over more cash in a week than I earn in a month and the fridge is a barren wasteland that contains a few withered carrots and a bottle of suspect fruit juice I was sent by a PR company.

Unidentified 'other children' have been in my house, eating my food, using my broadband, shouting, annoying the dog and probably judging the cleanliness of my bathroom, and I am already counting the days until September and a new term.

I shall be absent without official leave from this page as I attempt to rally the troops for some edifying, educational days out and then give in and take them shopping instead. See you in a fortnight (after the Olympics – it'll be a double celebration for us all).