Give the gift of an infectious disease this Christmas.
As I set my mind to compiling Christmas gift guides for our esteemed publications (my suggestion of a list of passiveaggressive gifts you can buy people you secretly hate has been turned down, again) I stumbled upon the perfect present for the children in your life.
What gift says 'I love you' more than a pre-licked lollipop teeming with disease? In America, business is booming for an online company that supply parents with lollipops that have been licked by children who have chickenpox.
They are called Lollipox, which is awfully clever and almost makes me want to buy one for the packaging alone.
For the bargain price of just �31, you can give your child a halfeaten lollipop sent to you by a stranger you met from the internet which is infected with all manner of contagions.
Merry Christmas! When my daughter caught chickenpox, through the much less trendy practice of 'just getting it', I was lucky enough to catch it too (for a second time! Lucky!) and spent almost six weeks thinking I was going to die.
I can't believe I missed the opportunity to lick lots of lollies and violate the law by sending them to parents across the globe who want to schedule illness to strike at a convenient time.
Whatever: the next time I throw a swine flu party, I know what's going in the party bags.
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•This article was original published on November 14, 2011