Demi Moore’s divorce from Ashton Kutcher is no surprise
It seems that Demi Moore really didn't appreciate Ashton Kutcher's anniversary present (sleeping with another woman in a hot tub) and has filed for divorce.
She said: 'As a woman, a mother and a wife, there are certain values and vows that I hold sacred and it is in this spirit that I have chosen to move forward with my life.'
The pair had held 'crisis Kabbalah campfire talks' with counsellors several weeks ago in a bid to iron out their differences – he's 33 and likes having sex with 23-year-olds and she's 49 and likes to have sex with 33-year-olds.
Astonishingly, mumbo jumbo from red-string bracelet wearing charlatans and a pile of burning logs did nothing to repair the couple's rift.
Perhaps if Demi had sewn Ashton's eyes shut with the red string it might have worked.
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In response, to Demi's statement, Ashton posted the following message online: 'I will forever cherish the time I spent with Demi. Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail. Love and Light, AK.'
There's a career for him waiting in the wings writing gift card ditties for Hallmark.
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PS I think I might start prefacing anything I say with: 'As a woman, a mother and a slattern living in sin…' it adds a certain gravitas to a statement, doesn't it? Now, as a woman, a mother and a slattern living in sin I am going to do the washing up.
•This article was original published on November 21, 2011