We’ve reached week 10 of the Dad jokes and so with 20 in each instalment, you will have enjoyed (or endured) 200 cheesy gags by the time you get to the bottom of the latest batch.
Thanks for the ones you’ve sent - keep them coming!
Here goes.....
Apparently in the 1960s, Liverpool Football Club tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their own brand of after shave. Sadly, it was doomed to failure. Yul never wore cologne.
Just finished my 30th Marathon since lockdown started. I just can’t bring myself to call them Snickers.
A plane carrying a cargo of spare parts to England from a Japanese car company had engine failure and had to jettison over part of Norfolk. It was raining Datsun cogs over Thetford.
Had a text from my mate: “Homeschooling Update: My son just said: ‘I hope I don’t have the same teacher next year.’”
Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to prevent coronavirus, but to stop eating.
My wife knows absolutely nothing about football. I asked her if she rated George Best and she said she preferred Zippy and Bungle.
A man was turned away from a nightclub for not wearing a tie. He went back to his car to see what he could find and came back with some jump leads. He wrapped them round his neck and went back to the club. The doorman looked at the jump leads and said: ”Ok, you can go in, but don’t start anything.”
A bloke took his eight-year-old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As they were walking around, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so he asked her what was wrong. As the staff gathered round, she sobbed, “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?”
I got caught smuggling children’s TV memorabilia through Customs. I would have got away with it but I dropped a Clanger.
Did you hear about the chap who had to go to work at the museum at 9pm moving suits of armour around? He hated knight shifts.
I used to make these amazing fizzy sweets that everyone loved. Then one day I forgot how to make them. So I went on a Refreshers course.
I went round MC Hammer’s house the other day. It was rubbish. He wouldn’t let me touch anything.
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. It was riveting.
What police are saying when they arrest people has changed. They’re now shouting: ”Come out with your hands washed.”
My friend really changed a lot after becoming a vegan. It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
Just had a message from my mate: “It’s been a blessing being home with the wife for nine weeks now. We’ve caught up on everything I’ve done wrong for 20 years.”
I sat in the cupboard under the stairs yesterday with a friend. Between us were the apparatus for measuring the supply and usage of my gas and electricity. We were were complying with social distancing as we had two meters between us.
I’ve heard there has been a big increase in multi-storey car park crime during lock down. It’s just so wrong on so many levels.
The other day I bought a thesaurus, but when I got home and opened it, all the pages were blank. I can’t find the words to describe how angry I am.
How do Vikings send secret messages? Norse code.
*If you want to send in a contribution, please email ian.clarke@archant.co.uk.
If you missed the previous weeks, you can catch up with them here: Week one
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