I know someone who’s a matchmaker!

Sounds like something out of Fiddler on the Roof doesn’t it?  

But it’s somewhat glossier than that; this woman runs a very smart introduction agency.

I’m mentioning her because this week’s column is about money, and she has strong views that potential partners should have a similar income and level of wealth. I can see this might have advantages, even though it feels a bit clinical or even sad.    

There’s no doubt that financial differences can make for problems in families, friendships and romances, and that probably far more of us need to have what relationship experts often call 'The Money Conversation'.

They maintain that speaking about money is seriously tough compared with discussing other daunting topics such as politics, religion and sex.   

But even if we know we should talk, loads of us avoid doing so because financial matters tend to generate hot emotions, especially in individuals who feel they pay more than their fair share in family situations, or intimate relationships.  

One scenario many of us face as we age is making friends with men and women whose financial position may differ substantially from our own.  

Nowadays, loads of us quite deliberately set out to make new pals because unfortunately our social network dwindles as old friends die, or move away to be near their grandchildren or other relatives.

They leave a big hole behind them, so we tend to sign up to activities we know we will enjoy and where we hope we’ll meet people with similar interests. 

Sandra and Sue joined a pilates class on the same day last year.

They liked each other immediately, and soon they were having coffee and going to the cinema together. But they became increasingly aware that their financial circumstances were very different.

Sandra owns her house and has a decent company pension. Sue only has a state pension and rents her property.

So, the available cash Sue has for non-essentials is never going to match up to what Sandra can manage.    

Luckily, they’re both sensible and have been able to talk things out. 

Sandra is better off and has a more reliable car, she takes charge of all outings and 
pays the petrol and meals on these excursions.

After some deliberation, Sue swallowed her pride and went along with this arrangement but insisted on reciprocating by having Sandra round regularly for some home cooking and an evening of TV or board games.     

This is working well. As Sandra says “I can afford to go out and about and eat in restaurants, but I enjoy it so much more when Sue’s with me. I’m grateful that she lets me treat her.  In return I feel really cared for by her. She’s a terrific cook and a warm, wonderful friend”. 

Let’s move on to romantic relationships because it’s far more common these days for folk to embark on late-flowering liaisons than used to be the case. But money can be a real issue because in mid to later life, our finances are complex. 

For a start, many men and women have long ago decided who will benefit after their death from their property and savings. And often they have no intention of changing their plans even if they fall for someone new. This is clearly one reason why some couples don’t move in together.  

But if or when they do, they should be honest about their desire to protect their assets for their own family, be open to discussing plans for whichever of them lives longer and have an agreement on how to divide up household expenses. I can’t pretend this is a simple task, but it really is essential.  

If you’re anxious about how to do it, it helps to prepare what you want to say first, and to have the chat in a neutral place like a café or while out walking. 

However, it’s not only people in new relationships who need to find ways to talk. I know a couple who have been happily married for 45 years but now the wife wants to release a sizeable chunk of their combined wealth to help their two adult sons, and her husband won’t discuss it because it makes him feel gloomy.

What’s the solution here? Maybe the adult children have to try to persuade their dad to talk with them, so they can put their point of view. 

The money conversation frightens most of us and can be quite fraught. But sometimes we get lucky because it turns out to be surprisingly brief and easy.  

My husband had a good pal he’d known for years, but whenever they met for a drink and meal, the friend, who was a professional man and rich by most people’s standards, never offered to pay.

So, eventually, one day when they met at the arranged venue, my husband said; "I think it’s your turn in the chair this evening, isn’t it?”. 

He held his breath, hoping he hadn’t created an awkward situation. 

But his mate just smiled and replied: “Righto! What can I get you?”