To be or not to be… a total pain in the proverbial to fellow theatregoers. That is the question.

Anti-social audience behaviour in UK theatres has reached tipping point, theatre staff say.

They have recounted experiences of assault, abuse and brawls by audience members who have vomited and urinated in auditoriums, pinned front of house staff to walls and spat at them.

Yes. In theatres. Audiences are going feral.

And, as their union Bectu campaigns for a UK Safer Theatres Charter, actor Andrew Scott this week revealed how he had halted delivery of Hamlet’s famous soliloquy when a man in the audience opened his laptop to catch up on his emails.

A minor contravention of acceptable audience behaviour compared to the horrendous list above but outrageous conduct nonetheless during an iconic piece of theatre by a top tier actor.

Scott told how he stopped and stood silent until a woman nudged the offender alerting him that his lack of consideration was ruining the performance for everyone else.

Theatre offers an escape, a place to sit, cut off from the outside world, immersed in a performance respecting the skill and art of the people on the stage, who are doing their jobs.

What could have so vital that couldn’t wait? What made him think about taking a laptop with him anyway?

Where was his consideration to the people around him who had paid a small fortune for tickets.

There’s the nub of the issue. A total lack of consideration for anyone else’s enjoyment. 

Bectu says 90 per cent of theatre venue employees have experienced or witnessed unacceptable audience behaviour, including assaults, vandalism and racist language.

Its Anything Doesn’t Go campaign aims to tackle antisocial behaviour and UK Safer Theatres Charter calling on venue management to take a zero-tolerance approach to tackling this behaviour.

It’s staggering that people simply don’t know how to behave appropriately, or rather believe behaviour listed above is appropriate.

Last year, police were called to the Palace Theatre in Manchester during a performance of the Bodyguard when women refused to stop singing at the top of their voices.

No one wants theatres to be stiff and stuffy with rules and restrictions but without voluntary consideration for the enjoyment and comfort of others there might not be any choice.

Intruding on and compromising others’ enjoyment is obnoxious - that includes constant coughing, munching through giant bags of sweets, talking, scrolling on phones,

In November 2022, the Royal Opera House banned a heckler for life for shouting “rubbish” at a 12-year-old actor during a production of Handel’s opera Alcina.

In the same year, a production of Into the Woods at Belfast’s Lyric theatre after complaints from cast members that audience members were talking and moving around the auditorium.

And, in December 2021, the Drifters Girl star Beverley Knight complained on social media about the behaviour of two theatregoers who had to be escorted out of a performance.

Inclusivity is one of the beauties of theatre, but adults are behaving like hyperactive children forcing it into exclusivity and rigidity.

Just grow up and stop spoiling it for everyone else.

Cleverly's joke was far from clever

Breaking the ‘off the record’ rule at Christmas drinks between the press and politicians at Number 10 and outing home secretary James Cleverly for ‘joking’ about secretly drugging his wife was out of order, a man spouted at a festive gathering.

His logic: The drinks reception was private, with a tacit agreement that what is said in the room stays in the room. The real villain of the piece was the whistle-blower not the home secretary, he said.

Our home secretary ‘joked’ about his wife, Susannah, saying: “a little bit of Rohypnol in her drink every night” was “not really illegal” if it’s “only a bit”, adding that the secret to a long marriage is making sure your partner is “always mildly sedated so she can never realise there are better men out there.”

Hours before he had announced plans to make spiking drinks and food with drugs a specific offence. More than 600 cases are reported every month.

Full marks on the arrogance and crass barometer and zero for judgement. How could he think any of it was appropriate?

Cleverly’s spokesman explained it as “an ironic joke.” 

In whose book? Not his wife’s, I’m sure? If he finds this funny, it speaks volumes.

This week he admitted his comment could have distracted form his department’s work to tackle violence against women and girls. Really, Sherlock?

My fellow partygoer truly believed that the whistle-blower was the real problem rather than the perpetrator. This is so typical – whoever raises an issue as unacceptable is the problem rather than the real issue. This must stop.

The brazenness of people who talk like this and then rock up on television and try to apologise and dismiss what they have done never ceases to amaze.

Joking about acts so sinister is more than another gaffe for the home secretary and leaves a serious worrying taste.

Can laid back Luke boost pubs?

In a wet and windy week, weren’t we all cheered by16-year-old Luke Littler?

After generations of child prodigies pushed by their overbearing and sufferable parents, Luke’s laid-back family on his incredible journey to the darts World Champions final was a breath of fresh air.

In Dry January, let’s hope he inspires people into pubs to try out their dart boards and help dire trading times.