September 21 2014 Latest news:
Monday, December 10, 2012
This week, the Patron Saint of Stupid Ideas and Pretentious Narcissism has been holding court about the fact that modern women can’t “have it all”.
Gwyneth Paltrow is the kind of woman that the rest of femalekind can relate to – she’s down-to-earth, full of priceless wisdom and seems as if she’d be a really great laugh after a few cans of lager.
I jest, of course. Gwyneth Paltrow is a dreadful windbagging ninny who should be bricked up in a windowless room for perpetuity or until she signs a legal document promising to never speak publicly again.
This week, the Patron Saint of Stupid Ideas and Pretentious Narcissism has been holding court about the fact that modern women can’t “have it all”. I’ve never thought I could “have it all”, accepting instead the fact that I get to “do it all”, instead.
Mother to Apple, eight, and Moses, five and married to Coldplay wheatgrass-drinking-hessian-wearing-super-bore Chris Martin, Gwyneth has selflessly turned down starring roles in order to be with her children despite only having millions of pounds in the bank.
“You make choices as a wife and mother, don’t you? You can’t have it all. I don’t care what it looks like,” Paltrow said.
“When I started out, I was connected with the artist in me, but at some point I got out of touch with why I was acting.”
When I started out as a reporter, I too was connected with the artist in me, but after I got rid of him I quickly connected with the mortgage repayments and realised that despite shooting out two kids, I’d have to keep working or they’d have nowhere to live.
Motherhood, opines Gywneth, is, like, totally amazing and edifying and awesome and all about, you know, the JOURNEY (she doesn’t have teenagers yet. Just wait, love, just wait).
“When Apple was born, she had the hugest blue eyes. I looked into them and she was looking at me and I felt like, ‘you are here to teach me everything’,” she said.
If my children are here to “teach me everything”, we are in big trouble. It wasn’t so long ago that my daughter asked me if Wales was an island.