Charity Holidays.

Twice in the past week I’ve been asked to pay for someone to go on holiday. Now I know we all pay our taxes and therefore we are paying for ASBO Kids to have a break at Centre Parcs but at least we don’t see that happening do we. What I’m getting peed of about here is the people who decide they fancy a trip along the Great Wall of China (which you absolutely cannot see from space – it’s another NASA myth) or mountaineering in Bolivia or Motorcycling through Peru and they want ME to pay for it! Bloody cheek! Imagine the poor bloody yak herder in Peru chewing on his Coca leaf and minding his own business only to find thirty Norwich Union Muppets roaring past on quad bikes or something.

If I as much as raise the slightest doubt I get, “It’s OK – it’s for charity” and if I continue I get a picture of a kid covered in flies with a caption underneath saying “All these flies and I’ve got Aids too” thrust under my nose in an attempt to make me feel guilty. Well it doesn’t…..

No, I don’t feel guilty at all. Pay for your own holiday of a lifetime you tight tosser. When I was their age I didn’t go up to people I knew and say, “Excuse me, can you chip in £50 to send me to Corfu for a week so I can get out of my head on booze and drugs and pick up some STD off an ugly bird from Manchester”.

If you really start to question these people they will have to admit that only a tiny portion of the money actually goes to the good cause and they have to very quietly admit that most goes to the tour organisers and to pay for their holiday.

My answer in the future will be, “OK Tosser. Tell you what. You give me fifty quid and I’ll go down the pub. I’ll have a great time with my mates and, if there is anything left over, I’ll pop it into the Lifeboat thing on the bar. You do that for me and I’ll think about doing the same for you” Really? – thought not. So sod off and pay for your own holiday.