Final Grumpy word on the end of the Olympics.

So while I’m having my rant about the Olympics let me make another very important point and it concerns this ridiculous BBC idea of calling all the British competitors “athletes” and constantly referring to them as “Team GB”. I mean what the f**k is that all about?

The old chap shooting his clay pigeons wouldn’t describe himself as “an athlete”. He’d describe himself as “an old bloke who shoots rifles”. A swimmer is a swimmer. A cyclist is a cyclist. A canoeist is a canoeist. An athlete is someone who takes part in….wait for it….athletics. If we want a definition then look no further than the World Athletics Championships….for athletes. Not for cyclists, rowers, swimmers or shooters. Interestingly gymnasts are called gymnasts, not athletes. This, one assumes is so as not to confuse the 10-year olds who compete for China. Mind you Olga Corbutt, Ronnie’s daughter, didn’t look much older when she took part all them years ago. Probably because Dad was bit of a dwarf himself. I used to deliver his paper when he was doing the pier shows in Great Yarmouth – but that’s another story….. So BBC, please stop calling them all athletes – they ain’t!

Now on to this stupid American/Australian idea of “Team GB”. B*****ks! Most of the people representing Great Britain couldn’t give a toss about how anyone other then themselves gets on. They don’t even get to meet the rest of the competitors, sorry, athletes and even if they did probably wouldn’t recognise them of have anything in common. They are NOT a team. They are a bunch of individuals who have spent the past ten years or so wrapped up entirely in their own performances and with no interest in what is happening in the outside world. They not only don’t mix with the other competitors at the accommodation centre they have no interest in the others before or after the Olympic Games. So drop the Americanisms and the Australianisms. Let them have “Team USA” with their own version of the medal table which shows them at the top. Let the Aussies have time to quietly reflect on the fact that we won more Gold medals than they did and that when it really matters, apart from cricket sometimes, we consistently whip their convict arses.

We are not Team GB – we will never be Team GB. We send a selection of competitors to the Olympics in the hope that between them they will get more medals than the rest to justify the millions of pounds of lottery funding that their sport receives. Don’t misunderstand me…. I have no objection to the money that ill-informed poor people invest in the National Lottery every week in the mistaken belief that they have a cat in hell’s chance of winning anything, going to self centred egotists driven by their parents to achieve a brief moment of quickly forgotten bronze glory. The two groups deserve each other. What I object to is the idea that they somehow are all in it together as Team GB – they aren’t.

While we are one the subject someone should go back through all the interview tapes and deduct £1,000 of funding for every time an “athlete” said “amazing” or “amazed” during an interview. The total amount should go to our wheelchair 110 metre high hurdles team at the Paralympics. They deserve it just for the headaches.