Happy things that make you sad.
What do you do after the wedding? What do you do with this giant anti-climax? That’s what I find myself asking. It was eight years in the making, two years in the planning, and our wedding turned out perfect – now what? Now that I am a ‘wife’ and my birthday is soon upon me I am starting to feel old in the fact that I am already horribly nostalgic a bare three weeks after the wedding and I’m not even finished with the thank you cards.
One of the things you give up when you have a lovely September wedding to an English teacher is the honeymoon. So in a matter of a few days we went from ideal bliss and freedom surrounded by family and friends to Chris is back at school and I’m at home alone. Well almost alone but Cadfael Corgi is not the best conversationalist. Suddenly the days are taking up momentum and I’m finding the wedding is getting further and further in the past. It doesn’t help that my computer has almost completely given up the ghost so I can’t even write – though I wonder how much I’m just using that as an excuse to procrastinate.
Even less help is the fact I fell down the stairs. Nothing makes you feel like a fool like tripping down stairs and nothing makes you feel old like waking up the next day and feeling those aches that remind you don’t bounce like you used to. Why do happy things make people sad? It’s the stupidest thing in the human psyche. Every bride wants the perfect day, they strive for it, I was lucky (and it was luck and relaxing more than any amount of planning) that I had that perfect day – and now I’m sad that it’s over and thinking of happy things makes me sad. It reinforces my old theory of what I would do if I was God.
Firstly let me say I would make a crap God as I’m racked with indecision but this, this would be good. Everyone died only at the happiest moment of their life. Think how much easier life would be if you could always say at a funeral – it was their happiest moment and you knew it would never be any better than that. People would never be as sad when a child would die because you always had that knowledge that they lived up to their potential. It would also be reassuring to know that no matter how sad you are that things would have to get better – a lot better – because you’re still alive. It might be a bigger bummer at weddings if things went this way – like I said I’d make a crap God – but it would add a different dimension to life and the way people live. Would wars consist of who could tell the funnier joke or throw the best party? Okay I’m starting to think about this too much. Well at least it’s taking my mind off no longer being the bride.