Get stuffed! I in't no turkey

As a long time singleton and far beyond the stage where you have to Do It for the Kiddies, I remain fairly immune to the more hysterical elements of the festive season. (Perfect tree! Perfect wrappings! Perfect sprouts! Perfect dress!) However, it would appear that this year the bastards have penetrated even my defences with their constant battering to buy, buy, buy. With two weeks still to go, I was alarmed to catch myself momentarily panicking this morning, when a leaden sky induced the postponement of a walk into the city in favour of coffee, cricket commentary and catching up with correspondence.

Has it ever been as bad, as nakedly venal, as this year? The usual shops no longer seem to suffice - people have to be herded into seasonally dedicated spaces, much as flocks of turkeys and geese were once driven down to Smithfield. I was too busy with other things to get drawn into NORWICHRISTMAS, although I did glance across at City Hall in the hope that justice had prevailed and whoever coined that particular vile elision would be spiked on the top of the tree, but alas no. Yesterday I actually paid to get into Dragon Hall and spend money at the Medieval Christmas Market, as it is quite jolly to see the great hall used for trading and full of bustle. I have to say I wasn't much impressed; same stalls as last year, the only music was someone dismally tootling nineteenth-century carols on a recorder and as for Mistress Myfanwy and her herbal lore, first of all madam if people have paid to get in you bloody well learn your lines instead of reading them off a card, and secondly if you are talking about house leeks, brandishing a large specimen of the vegetable variety makes you look a right tit. It seems Mammon has even infiltrated the Cathedral, where a Historic Christmas Fayre will relieve you of £2.50 for entry to the cloisters so the usual collection of costumed traders can get after your pelf. There is a hog roast, but that's not much of an inducement for a vegetarian. Perhaps the Bishop could re-focus our priorities by dressing up as Jesus and overturning the stall of anyone taking a credit card? I'd gladly pay to see that.